Inventions Part too!!

The following are future inventions that I hear they will get made with just a little luck, a lot of money, a whole bunch of magic, and some shoe polish.

Spanx contact lenses: Need I say more? Ever? You’re welcome Academy Awards of inventions!
Billboards that don’t distract you by making you look up at them, instead they scream their advertisement at you while you drive by: “LEVI’S!”. Sure it’s loud but if I slow down to read the signs I’ll be late getting home, then it’ll really get loud if you know what I mean. Do you? Cause I’m not sure I do.
Grass that breaks off every time it gets to be 4 inches long and it then becomes 3 inches long. Or should we go from 4 inches down to zero and call it Bobbitt grass? (Google that for full effect)
Spoons that can turn into Forks if you slide a button thing out! But NOT sporks.
Knives that aren’t spelled with a K. Nives! Saves time typing and we’ll never again have to worry about running out of K’s.
Hi Heels that have a mechanism in them that can telescope them in or out like an antennae. You’re at the bar talking to some dude and you have them set to ‘LONG’. Then you leave the bar all drunk and tired and just push a button and viola, you’re virtually wearing flats for this walk home my friend! Sorry that dude wasn’t into you, he was a jerk anyway. Or perhaps he was too good for you. It doesn’t matter, it’s the shoes man! It’s the shoes!!
Self cleaning underwear. NOTE: A bedroom floor and a dog do not count as self cleaning.
An outdoor grill that actually heats correctly and cooks food how you like. Wait, that’s called a stove!
Smart phones that aren’t so stupid! Do we just call them ‘smart’ like we tell a 4 year old ‘Oh you’re so smart’ but he’s actually really really stupid if being judged against adults. Well some adults anyway. I can count way past 100 for instance, I just choose not to.
Actual functional Wishing Wells. Only a 4 year old would waste money in the broken ones we currently have.
A device that can change water into wine! Without using grapes or Jesus.
Candy Bars made of molecules which totally re-form in your body, then head on out. WARNING: This is a non-reusable product.
Dogs where if you push on a certain place on their ribs they turn into Cats. Why have one of each when you can have both in one? Meow who’s thinking of great ideas, huh?
Squirrels that can sing. I don’t mean they chirp out a little bit, I mean full voice sing songs! The downside is that they can only sign Katy Perry songs. I’m not saying she doesn’t have some good songs, but come on, you can’t mix in a little Blondie once in a while? It’s not my fault, this is what’s being worked on over at the lab, and if Katy Perry is all they can get out of a squirrel then I think that’s pretty impressive.
Mice that can be convinced they can beat up a cat! I know that’s not being nice to mice, but what I just said rhymes. Oh, bumper sticker idea: ‘Be Nice To Mice’ (I swear I’m not even drinking).
One color, that is actually ALL colors. Whew, no more color choices to make! Color me HAPPY!
Guns which when fired, can no longer hit people, but can only hit squirrels. Come on, you know we’re gonna get tired of Katy Perry songs.
The ability to skip from 4G right to 10G
Anything technology related that doesn’t have to be upgraded every 10 days, and was the new thing when I bought it this morning, but is so outdated by the end of this sentence that no one even wants a really long curly phone cord anymore. (I’m a really slow typist)
Weeping Willow trees that no longer weep. I love those trees and I don’t want them to be sad.
Bathroom floor tiles that taste like cinnamon. I just want to see if I can resist.

Again, this is what I hear they are working on over at the lab. I think it’s all well worth our money, but I can’t help thinking there might be a few more important things…….maybe not. We just can’t have those singing squirrels taking over.