Longer Days
Winter Solstice is here! That means the days are getting longer. Specifically 2 seconds longer tomorrow, so if someone says ‘got a second’ the answer is ‘hell yes, I’ll give you twice that long!’ With my extra time I think I’m gonna travel. I’ll head south, maybe two steps to the left in my living... Read More
127 Seconds
The other day I watched that movie 127 hours, where the guy gets his hand caught under a rock and eventually cuts off his arm to get free. This was simply amazing to me. Now, I’m not saying that I am comparing myself to this incredibly brave soul, but man, once I had one of... Read More
The Perfect Government
We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, ARE MAKING UP 10 NEW RULES! To all elected officials in Washington DC. The following changes are to take place immediately. That means now! No lawsuits. No filibustering (why is that a word?). No absentee’s. Parties will be renamed from... Read More
Short Pants
Ok I have a question for the guys. Hey guys, when it comes to shorts ironing day do you…wait…you DO have a shorts ironing day right? The day you set aside a couple hours to iron all your shorts because you’re not wearing them like that, right? I mean I have seen guys with really... Read More
Top Other Reasons to Wear a Mask
Stick your tongue out at whomever you want, whenever you want! (Other tongue gestures optional) Insert food, replace mask, chew with mouth open. Confuses all the dogs (Cats still unimpressed) Horses smugly think it’s a feedbag! “We’ve been doing that forever” said no horse because they can’t even talk…stupid horses. Use it as a feedbag! ... Read More
Some Air Travel
I have a lot of phobias and one of them is flying. I’m really claustrophobic but they just won’t let me roll down a window! I’m also a Perfect-A-Phobe which is a phobia I made up because there just aren’t enough phobias to contain me. Perfect-A-phobia is a condition where you fear there is no... Read More
Continuing Education
As I was finishing up my 8th jigsaw puzzle of the Pandemic I had a thought. Would it have been better to have spent all that time doing something productive, like learning French? Well the answer to that was simple: les ânes courent vite. So I guess you feel pretty stupid right about now huh?
Phrases in D Minor (Part One)
Darn Tootin: In a word: Gas-X. Or is that two words? Either way, it will help you with your Darn Tootin. Dead as a Doorknob: In an attempt to make this phrase a lie, I have always used live turtles as my doorknobs. Call me sentimental, or insane, but don’t call me a person who... Read More
Cat Danger
Today I would like to examine the old but popular phrase ‘There’s more than one way to skin a cat‘. I don’t get it, were people really hungry or just mean? Or perhaps people were mean BECAUSE they were hungry cause I know I get that way sometimes. Maybe not ‘cat skinning’ mean but I... Read More
Toilet Paper
There is absolutely nothing funny about the COVID-19 virus. Everyone needs to go to bed at night and be confident that they didn’t get infected, and they didn’t infect anyone! But, I have had some interesting thoughts about TP along the way and we certainly could use a laugh, so here’s an attempt to make... Read More
