Food Names

Food and meals have many names, and many of them are gross.  Here are some foods you shouldn’t eat and the reasons why-

Goulash – You can’t even say it without fist saying ‘Goo’ so need I continue?

Baklava – So foreign sounding I feel like I need a passport to eat it.

Toast – Sounds innocent enough right? Good old American made TOAst..yep, a nice piece of Toe..st  Toe!

Chicken Fricassee – The word fricassee sounds too much like something exploded.  “I left the chicken in the oven too long and you know what happened, Fricassee!  Now when I look in the oven I don’t recognize what the Frik-I- see”.

Chicken ANYTHING – We shouldn’t eat anything that actually names the animal in the title of the dish. Sorry ‘Pigs in a Blanket’.   That’s why we have ‘Hamburgers’ and not ‘Cowburgers’.  And don’t get me started on Buffalo Chicken.

Pot Roast – Might not be too bad, but you may get high (Also see Corn Beef Hash)

Butter- I know it’s not the name of a meal but should we eat things with body part names in them? Also, I just looked up Head Cheese so I’m pretty much sick to my stomach now.

Frittata- And doesn’t that also go for slang body part names?

Jambalaya – Even the name kind of says ‘What isn’t it ok to put in this dish’?  Just a Jambalaya of everything in the kitchen.  Tell me it’s not full of Head Cheese and I’ll tell you you’re a ‘laya’!

Succotash – Yeah, where to start with this one. First off it starts with the sound ‘suck’.  Secondly, wasn’t it Sylvester the cartoon cat who always preceded that word with the word ‘Sufferin’?  He was on to something all along.

Champagne Cake – I don’t like any kind of pain.  Cake it up all you want, I’m not buyin it.  You can find it right next to the Cherry Pie Groin Kick!

Cinnamon Rolls – This is one exception. If you know me, you know that I see this as an allowable ‘cin’.

Stuffed Green Peppers – Sounds like they’ve been mistreated

Twinkie –  Try this experiment: Take a bite, leave it on your counter for five years.  Take another bite. What has changed?  You’re five years older.

Jerky– I don’t eat food that insults me.

Meatloaf- Don’t eat lazy food. You’ll only encourage it.  Next thing you know we’ll have Lethargic Chops, Drowsy Duck, Supine Equine and on and on!

And last but not least-

Haggis – WARNING: This is a Scottish dish which has no known ingredients.  Essentially this is
Europe’s practical joke on the Americas. You fly over there, they try to serve you Haggis, if you
say yes, they go to the back room, chuckle, ‘Fricassee’ a rodent they found and serve it to you!