So the other day I did something that some of you may think is horrible. In fact, I think it might even be illegal, and I never break the law….unless the law gets in my way.
I was down on my hands and knees in front of the refrigerator (a position in which I find myself curiously often) and I was sticking one of those Swiffer Duster things under the fridge as far as I could, because you know there is a lot of dirt and God knows what else, so how can you sleep not knowing exactly what’s going on under there? Anyway, it’s also a popular gathering place for all things that roll, scatter, slide and scamper.
My under fridge inventory consisted of 3 un-popped kernels of corn, no surprise there, a couple of peppercorns and we don’t even grind our own pepper, let the commoners do it. And one Cinnamon Imperial. And by the way, if you don’t know what a Cinnamon Imperial is then you are no friend of mine. But something else shot out when I swept my Swiffer that I didn’t expect. A single penny. I picked it up, it was filthy. It had sticky dirt and hair on it. Hair that wasn’t the color of any hair that lives in our house. I debated on what to do with it while I munched on my free Cinnamon Imp. I was still in cleaning mode and right next to me was the trash can……hmm….what to do what to do……..
I threw it away ok?! Yes, I threw away money, so sue me (please don’t sue me)! I had two choices that day my friends. Wash it off, walk through the kitchen, up all the stairs, across the bedroom and into the closet where the no longer secret change jar is kept, or just reach over and drop it in the trash, making sure of course that all blinds were drawn and there were no recording devices in the house. I chose the latter. Please keep in mind that I also had some of the rugs partly turned up and folded over since I was doing a lot of cleaning. These are rugs which were in my direct route to the change jar! Do you understand what I am saying? We are talking dangerous turned up tripping hazards lying between me with my ‘who’s hair is this’ dirt penny, and the change jar. Yes a penny is money but is it worth risking your life over? So go ahead and hate me if you must.
Would it make a difference if I told you when I found the penny it was face down? Because I’ll tell you it was if that’s what you need to hear. I feel like I need to go on, but I can already feel you judging me. Listen, it’s only a penny! Why are we still using this thing? It’s heavy when in mass, it’s not even the color of ‘normal’ change (Things that are different are supposed to be frightening right?).
It used to be almost all copper and now it’s almost all zinc! They can’t even decide how to make it! It’s really not worth a dime now is it? I bet it costs more than a penny to make a penny! Nobody says “A penny for your thoughts” anymore. That’s been replaced by Facebook. Now every thought you ever have is free whether we want to know them or not. And trust me, we don’t! There are really only two things any person ever really wants to know about another person- Do you like me? And can I somehow get or make money off of you? That’s it, so drop that story about that time you saved a small puppy from a burning building ok? 1-Do you like me. 2-How can I profit from you.
Now where were we….oh the mud hair penny. You save a bunch of change in a jar and turn it in and because of all the pennies it’s only $17. But it’s 18 pounds! No other coin takes so many of itself to make the next larger coin. Where does it get the nerve! I have never hated money as much as I hate the penny, and I’ll tell you another thing, the nickel is really pushing its luck too!
