My Inventions

I like to invent things but I’m not at all mechanically inclined. So I’ll have an idea, and then several years later see that someone has invented what I thought of first. I thought of vented car seats many years before they were invented, screw drivers with flashlights on them too, and many other things. So I want to toss a few things out there for your consideration, so that when they do get invented you know that I thought of them first, or perhaps someone will read these ideas and decide to invent one of these million dollar gems themselves. Please feel free, I just want them in existence, I don’t care to get all the credit.  So here are a few things I thought of last week just to get you started-

-A phone that’s like a Blackberry on the front with actual keys, but it’s a touch screen on the back like an Iphone.  Huh? Pretty good no? I call it a Black-I.

-Clothing that’s made out of airbags!  So whether you’re in a car or not, when trouble comes a calling you can just ‘Michelin Man’ up any time you want.

-A flashlight that shines darkness!  Do I need to explain this? “It’s too bright out, hand me that Flashdark”!

– A clock that only goes ‘Tock’ so you can save up all your ‘Ticks’ for later!

-Gasoline that has the ability to mate with itself!  All you need to do is play some Barry White music in the garage at night and the next morning you come out to a full tank of gas!!

– Shoes where the bottoms are made of carpet. Boom! Wall to wall carpet wherever you go.             (Also see our hardwood option)

– A Mouse that can sing the national anthem for you so you can just pull him out before baseball games and never have to stop drinking your beer!

-Ipad walls.  SONIC Boom!

-Square marbles. Lemme see YOU roll under the couch!

-A mouse that can sing children’s songs so you can raise your kids and never have to stop drinking your beer!

-This one is a phrase that I invented, feel free to use it when you’re stressed out:  ‘I need a Mental Margarita’

-Tea that turns into coffee no matter what. Cause um, this is America sister, and other than when we’re sick, WE DRINK COFFEE! So if you want tea you can just head over to England, and take your crumpets with you!

-Pens that can sing what you intend to write (NOTE: There may need to be a mouse attached)

-Bodies of water, that when completely glass still, reflect not like a mirror, but like an old man who’s really been through a lot in life. Like me!

-A cat that will follow ANY orders given to him……by a singing mouse.

-Bagels without holes in them!  Wait, that’s a bun.  Colanders without holes…, shoot that’s just a bowl.  Bowling balls without…oops, just re-invented the cannonball. Well, something without holes anyway.

Yes, there may seem to be a lot of mouse related inventions in there. But I figure since they use mice for all those laboratory experiments they must be very versatile.  And since we’re trying to give them cancer all the time we should at least just let them sing. You know it’s what they want to do!