My Stupid iPhone

Ok so when I went to bed last night I sat my iPhone 5 on top of my old iPhone 3. When I woke up this morning there was a tiny little iPhone 8 sitting next to them! I thought it must be a joke so I picked it up and punched in a number and sure enough it dropped my call right away, so I know it’s the real deal! I think this future iPhone has solved some of the problems of current iPhones too….kind of anyway. For instance, it’s well documented that the current iPhones don’t work well when using them with your left hand. Well the iPhone 8 has a cute little saw that pops out that will just go ahead and cut that pesky left hand clean off. Problem solved! Having too few bars in some areas has also been solved because my new iPhone 8 came with sticky press on bars that you just go ahead and put on the face of the phone right away, now every time you look at it you have full bars, because you are a special person and you do have a special phone darn it! Best of all my new iPhone 8 kept that old iPhone 5 shape that has the hard, non-rounded edges, so after I spend enough time with it in the pocket of my jeans I’ll have a nice faded wear line like the people who carry chewing tobacco in their back pockets!

And now here’s the best part, my new iPhone 8 doesn’t use that old worn out charging cord that my iPhone 5 used, or the also totally different cord that my iPhone 3 used! That’s right, I get to introduce all new charging cords into my life with each new iPhone I buy! HOT TIP: In case you ever run into one of the geniuses at Apple, all of your old useless cords can be fashioned into a handy noose!