My Yellow Pills

I use to take a multi-vitamin every day. Then TV said I should take a baby aspirin because I’m over 40….and kind of a baby. Then TV said I should take Glucosamine, then TV said I should take Joint Collagen, then I found TV’s mute button. Then doctor said I should take Celebrex. Then doctor said…… Anyway, you get where this is going I think. What I’m trying to say is that my weekly pill container now looks like seven little baby bathtubs all hooked together! I guess you can tell how old a person is by the size of their pill container. When I brought my new container home I looked like a dog trying to get a long stick through a doorway, this thing is big! I’m taking so many pills in the morning I’m too full to eat breakfast. On the pro side they slide right on down if you drench them in Mrs. Butterworth’s. (Also an acceptable syrup would be Aunt Jemima, but none of this gluten free or sugar free crap!). The latest pills I got are Joint Collagen. I read the bottle. It’s CHICKEN COLLAGEN! Can you believe there’s a new part of the chicken we can eat that McDonalds hasn’t even discovered? I like my joint collagen with dippin sauces. Marrow flavored is the best! I know, it’s like I’m on that old show Fear Factor and I don’t even know it. At least it’s cheap, only a buck. Get it? Chicken Collagen, only a buck? I know chickens ‘cluck’ but you always say ‘buck’ when you imitate them. Also, you shouldn’t imitate things. Hay (that’s how we say HEY in Iowa), I could have just said CHEEP! Anyway, the doctor told me they were football shaped pills, I didn’t realize he meant to football scale! They even have the laces! I don’t know whether to ingest them or pass them. Well, I’m sure I will eventually pass them. He wants me to take 6 per day, I don’t think I even swallow 6 times per day! I need to hire someone to do my swallowing for me. Kidding! You think I’m rich enough to hire a part time swallower? Now that’s a tough pill to swallow!