Sayings Part 1

Here are some very famous quotes, and what you can do with them!

That which does not kill us makes us stronger:
Or it maims us, they forgot to say we could be maimed. It’s way more inspirational if you don’t think about the very real chance of being, you know, maimed!

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt:
I think he’s saying you’re an idiot

Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened:
What if the ‘It’s Over’ they are talking about is getting hit by a car? Try smiling about that! See, they don’t always think these quote things through.

Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get:
What are you talking about, you’re gonna get a chocolate you idiot! What’s this guy think is in a box of chocolates?

You can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs:
You know, it’s the damndest thing. I tried and tried this recipe for making an omelet and all I get is raw eggs in a bowl. Am I missing a step?

Do one thing every day that scares you:
Check: One bed gotten out of.

Eighty percent of success is showing up:
So if I climb up on the stage with U2 I’m pretty much in the band? I always wondered how fame was achieved!

Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all:
Said the loser! Ha, BURN! Sorry, are we not saying ‘Burn’ anymore? Cause it worked magic in the 8th grade.

If you want something done right, do it yourself:
This does not seem to apply in the omelet making trade

Familiarity breeds contempt:
In that case I think we better put Familiarity on birth control!

An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind:
Unless you started with TWO eyes like lots of people do. In which case an eye for an eye leaves the whole world with irritatingly poor depth perception.

Necessity is the mother of invention:
I thought Frank Zappa was the Mother of Invention. Ha, Burn again! (ya see cause that was also a thing from many years ago. You’ll notice an ‘I’m old’ theme in many of my ‘Get off my lawn’ style rants)

In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity:
But just to be safe I’m going to stay near the outer edge.

Imagination is more important than knowledge:
So start imagining yourself as a knowledgeable person and you’ve got it all! Ha, Bu….I’m not gonna say it.

The pen is mightier than the sword:
Um, Ok pen guy. I’ll take the sword and let’s fight right now. But don’t get ink on my shirt, it’s new and my mom will kill me!

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime:
Let’s update this since I hate fish and killing things. Give a person (see what I did there) a PIZZA and feed them for a day, teach a person (again with the ‘what I did’) to make PIZZA, and they’ll work at Domino’s for a lifetime! So overall, not the greatest thing, but hey, 50% off pizza for the rest of your life right?

The unexamined life is not worth living:
I don’t know what this means but if you…um…I DON’T KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS!!!

With great power comes great responsibility:
This is why I choose to remain very very weak.

Believe you can and you’re halfway there:
That’s about as far as I’ve ever gotten!

The ballot is stronger than the bullet:
Was this written by the ‘Pen is Mightier than the Sword’ guy? I feel like whomever wrote both of these also believed in that ‘Imagination is more important than Knowledge’ bull$%#!

It is always darkest just before the dawn:
I could make some kind of Tony Orlando reference here, but that would be 3 jokes you’d have to be old to understand. Then again you could always Google Tony Orlando and get it, but would you go that far for a joke? Let’s find out: That’s what Tony Orlando said! Never mind, don’t Google it, that comment doesn’t make sense.  

Dance like nobody is watching, love like you’ll never be hurt, and sing like there’s nobody listening:
And then go home, alone of course.

Whether you think you can or think you can’t – you are right:
I can’t