Seven Twelve

We talk a lot about letters and words (I do, not you), but I don’t remember ever talking about numbers. But something IS wrong with our number system. Specifically, Seven and Twelve. Seven is the only single digit number that has more than one syllable. And Twelve is the only two digit number WITH only one syllable! Now, I know what you’re thinking, what about Ten? Ten is an ‘in between’ if you will, a hinge that holds the single digit numbers to the next set of numbers which are the double digit numbers. Ten resides a little bit with both single and double digits, for instance, have you ever heard anyone say ‘pick a number between one and nine’? So ten is a bit of an enigma. Even when I asked several people to count all the single digit numbers very fast, they counted from one THROUGH ten without thinking, including ten in that single digit count. That’s not entirely true, but it IS entirely false. Sometimes I lie to make friends. I just want you to agree that we can exclude ten in my attempt to rearrange the ‘Numberbet’. Also, can we start calling it the Numberbet? We call the letters the Alphabet so why not? Also if you add 7 plus 12 you get the exact number of letters in the alphabet, 20…right? Ok, so my new Numberbet will rename the number 7 to be pronounced TWELVE and the number 12 will now be pronounced SEVEN. This will make all the similar syllable numbers be together, and I will no longer have to turn the light on and off 18 times before leaving the house. But I probably still will because of what could happen if I don’t! Ok you don’t seem to get it, I can feel it in my keyboard. From now on a touchdown and extra point in football will give you TWELVE points. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 (Pronounced: Twelve). And when you get a dozen donuts at the store, which you WILL regret, say, mid-fourth donut, you will actually be getting 12 or: SEVEN donuts. Please don’t use this as an excuse to eat 12 donuts because you can tell people you only had SEVEN, because even TWELVE (the new TWELVE not the old TWELVE) is still A LOT of donuts to eat. It’s hard to believe you were trying to eat that many donuts in the first place. Forget about the health ramifications and think about the fact that you are eating donuts as a substitute for something that’s gone wrong in your life. Perhaps it’s your poor decision to forge on reading this story that frankly I have no idea where I’m going with even as I type. In fact, clearly I am the one who should be eating all the donuts, not you! Those should be MY donuts….I hate you!