Some Air Travel

I have a lot of phobias and one of them is flying. I’m really claustrophobic but they just won’t let me roll down a window!  I’m also a Perfect-A-Phobe which is a phobia I made up because there just aren’t enough phobias to contain me. Perfect-A-phobia is a condition where you fear there is no such thing as a true perfectionist, especially when it comes to airplane mechanics. So I’m worried before I fly that my plane is in the hanger being worked on and the mechanics are using terms like: Close enough – That should hold it – I think I fixed it- and of course– Hey look, an extra piece!

Of course when people fly these days they have to take along all the comforts of home so luggage has just gotten out of control.  Have you seen what people are trying to pass off as carry-on bags?  These bags are bigger than the bags they checked! A lot of airlines have that little container at the gate that says ‘If your carry on won’t fit in this box it won’t fit in our overhead bin’.  This thing is the size of a cereal box.  A Grape Nuts box no less (go to store, look at Grape Nuts box, compare to say, a Captain Crunch box for full affect)!  I can’t get my wallet in this thing.  Meanwhile I see these people trying to carry on their freakin Honda Civic!  Then you see them trying to stuff these huge bags into the overhead.  It’s gonna take a wood chipper and a lot of duct tape to get that thing to stay in there. You’d have better luck getting the Iowa State Fair pie eating champion into a middle seat! (It’s ok, I’m from Iowa)

I also try not to have to pee when I’m flying because the bathroom is the one thing that COULD fit in the overhead. I had to go once so I shut the door and made the mistake of uh, pulling it out it out before turning around.  Great way to get, shall we just say ‘prints’ all over the mirror.