The Internet

I’m considering getting the Internet, and before you try to stop me let me explain.  A friend of mine said I should get on the Internet then Google myself.  He said it’s fun to do and you should just see what happens when you do it.   I told him that I can Google myself just fine without the Internet, and I’m well aware of what happens when I do it, and a gentleman doesn’t talk about Googling himself anyway.  I assume however that since this is the space age (according to a Sunglasses commercial I just saw on TV touting ‘space age material’ in their lenses), everything on this Internet must have been thoroughly researched and certified 100% true.  On the other hand they’re still having trouble figuring out ‘what the fox says’ so….   Well I don’t just jump into things (not even pools) so I found a friend who has the Internet. Crazy luck because he lives right here in town!  I tried it out. I looked up ‘What is this sore in my mouth?’, and am I glad I did!  Seems like it was just in a knick of time!  Knowing that the Internet has a 0% fail rate I started reading.  There were many different prominent medical facilities that chimed in such as ‘What’sMyOpinion.com‘  and ‘Steve’sHomeRemedies.com‘ and I took them all at their word.  After all, you aren’t allowed to have a website called ‘Trouble-in-my-mouth.com‘  if you’re not top notch certified right?  Although I skipped the strange sounding one called ‘MayoClinic.com’, I’ll go back to that site when I need advice on making a BLT or Potato Salad (SIDE NOTE- Mix in some Italian dressing to your mayonnaise and use less mustard, it’ll really make your potato salad pop and you’ll be the hit of the party!….SECOND SIDE NOTE- Invite me to the party, I mean, what the hell!?!) .  Anyway, I assume some websites just get pulled up by mistake sometimes.  So after browsing through all the important information I discovered I have a little ailment called either: Canker Sore-Herpes-Mouth Cancer-Throat Cancer-STD (of varying forms thank you) Yeast Infection-Pyrea-Gonorrhea-Diarrhea (of the mouth) or Shingles!   Well you can imagine my shock to find out that I might have a canker sore!  So I went right to the pharmacy and bought some canker sore medication and started using it.  After a few days it had gotten even worse, so I broke down and went to the doctor.  After a battery of tests they called today and I’m happy to announce that all the tests came back the same.  My wife will be so relieved when she comes home tonight and I tell her it is only an STD!