The Perfect Government

We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, ARE MAKING UP 10 NEW RULES! To all elected officials in Washington DC. The following changes are to take place immediately. That means now! No lawsuits. No filibustering (why is that a word?). No absentee’s.

1. Parties will be renamed from Democrats and Republicans, to Stupid Little Babies, and Little Stupid Babies. Independents will be allowed to continue to try and make up their minds.
2. Parties will no longer be represented by a Donkey and an Elephant icon. That is simply cruelty to animals. If you have to use something you can use a very shiny bottle cap and a small piece of quartz that you find on the ground and keep cause ‘It might be worth somethin’.
3. You WILL wear an adult diaper to work OVER your clothes until you can start acting like an adult. In other words, you WILL wear an adult diaper to work OVER your clothes!
4. Bills will no longer be debated on the senate floor to be voted on later (Gee, I wonder who’s gonna vote which way…) Instead a name will be drawn out of a hat from each party (The SLB’s and the LSB’s) and they will simply slap each other on the face (televised of course) until one of them relents.  Your bill is now a law. Is it better this way?  Who knows, but its fun to watch!
5. When voting on the floor you will no longer say ‘Aye’ and ‘Ney’. You will say YES and NO like a normal person! You’re so full of yourselves!  When was the last time a non-Pirate or Rapper said ‘Aye’?  Man…I think it’d really be 23 Skidoo if you stopped it.
6. The aisle on the Senate floor will no longer be divided with SLB’s on one side and LSB’s on the other. Each day you will simply sit where ever it is that your mommy put your milk money for that day!  If you arrive early, you may sit quietly and color.
7. Your mode of transportation is now a tricycle. Don’t whine or we’ll slap an extra diaper on you!  This is how you get to work now.
8. The Senate floor will now be called the Playpen. The house floor is now The Nursery.  The Oval Office is the time out room.
9. As a truth check, when explaining bills, ideas, and why you aren’t doing that bad thing that everyone says you are doing, you will speak directly to your family who will be on the floor with you. And yes, you will be required to look at them while you speak. Especially Gammy!
10. Whoever can go one week without lying is now President of the United States for as long as they can tell the truth, or one day, whichever is longer. So…probably one day.