The Waterbed

While having a conversation with a friend recently, I happened to mention that prior to purchasing a new bed a few years ago I had slept on a waterbed for the prior 15 years. Several minutes later, after my friend was finished wiping the tears of laughter off her face, I explained that there are in fact, many non-porn stars who sleep in waterbeds and in fact, while lying in my waterbed I have never even listened to music that involved a Wah Wah pedal. (Disclaimer: I do own a Wah Wah Pedal but it is strictly for non-porn musical use.) I certainly don’t have a moustache and long sideburns and you’ll have to trust me on this one, I never wear anything made of silk. Now, there are some other indicators that I am not a porn star but I’ll leave it at that.

So, we then had to go out and buy 12-14 pillows in fancy shapes and sizes so that our new non-porn bed could look like the ones in all the magazines. What is the point of this? Your bed is filled with pillows that no one uses and you just take them off every night, then put them all back on in the morning. I guess you hold that one hope that someone might happen to see your bedroom that day. How many people actually see your bedroom? If the answer goes much beyond your immediate family you may need to talk to someone. No one cares that you’re trying to set some sort of a pillow stacking record. What is happening with the bedding industry? They have us using all the unusable pillows now, the skirting that goes around the bottom so we can’t see under the bed, which by the way also makes it 100 times easier for a monster to be hiding under there! We have the little strip that lays across the end of the bed that you would think is a blanket but it’s not, cause when you pull it up to your chest you legs are now exposed. It’s like a really wide scarf! A two-foot wide liar is what it is! What’s next? Pretty soon it’s just going to be too much work to go to bed and we’ll all be sleeping on our couches. Beds will just be for decoration. Then the couch industry will start in on us.