Ant Problem

I recently heard from a friend from I hadn’t spoken with in many years (stupid Facebook) and was asked if I had ever figured out the ‘ant problem’.  You see, when I was young and very strange (I’m no longer very young) I used to ponder a lot.  This was back before they even had anti-ponder medication which I now take in abundance of course.  Otherwise my entire life would just be filled with wonder and ponder…and maybe a little wander, so I would probably wonder, wander and ponder…and Donner and Vixen…I guess I shouldn’t forget blunder, I blunder a lot…So wonder, wander, blunder and ponder, and of course the two reindeer.  Anyway, it was never determined if the ant problem had been figured out for sure.  You seem confused so let me back up. .. (beep beep beep)…there that’s better.  Now let me explain.  It used to be my mission in life to find out how many ants there were in a normal grassy patch of yard that was one square foot and one foot deep.  I would sneak in to someone’s backyard and start measuring and digging, then I would pull out the square foot of earth and always run into the same problem.  Half ants!  So how do you count these creatures?  I tried different yards and different cities but always with the same results.  Eventually I gave up, and it wasn’t just because of all the arrests and dog bites.  You see, ‘they‘ said that I was not only trespassing and doing damage to peoples yards, but ‘they’ also said that I was killing many many ants in the process.  While I say that I was not only getting close to answering the age old ant question, but in the process I had also discovered a new breed of insect!  I guess the world just wasn’t ready to accept the Halfant into society.